I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
