I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
