i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
