Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
