I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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