Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
