I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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