i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
