there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
