i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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