We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
