watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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