Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
