i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
