he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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