I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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