She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
