Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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