Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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