FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
