He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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