I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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