I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
