I have demons in me.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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