Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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