Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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