Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
