i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
