Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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