One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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