And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
