The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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