I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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