Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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