I want to stick my p in your. b.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
