Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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