I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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