she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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