After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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