i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
