I wish I could teleport
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am available for nakedness
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