It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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