We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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