I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
