WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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