I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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