I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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