just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
