I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
