I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
