So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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