Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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