So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
