im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
