He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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