if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
