Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
