This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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