the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
