You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
