I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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