I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
