During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
