You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
