not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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