Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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