even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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