i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Too much gin, very little bucket
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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