You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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