I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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