I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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