so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
