nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
