You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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