are you still at the devil's house?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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