ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
