Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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