I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
