I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
