I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
