I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
