Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
