If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
not ubering you a puppy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
