The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
