i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
