This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
