he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
